A Tale of Three Testicles
Its funny what people think about every day. Some decide exactly where to paint the lines in our streets. Others, called Gumbusters, remove gum stuck to park benches. Jelly Doughnut Fillers do precisely that, and Golf Ball Divers find stray golf balls that land underwater. And what would casinos do without certified Dice Inspectors? Better yet, how would you like to be a “Sexecutive” who tests sex toys?
A Two-Testicle Life
For me, I like to create and build things. Specifically, testicles. Right now I am on my second one. The first one hit the U.S. market after FDA approval in 2002 and it’s been a real showstopper, I must say. If you were missing a testicle due to injury or cancer, or simply wanted one to change your look, you had no options for a decade or so before this champ came out. Designed and shaped to feel like the real thing, it’s a simple, nonfunctioning silicone and saltwater implant that takes the place of the missing item. But, gees it does the job well; very few besides the owners are able to tell that it’s fake. As a result, men stop worrying about how they look down there and turn their minds onward and upward. Mission accomplished.
The second testicle I’m working on has been a bit more challenging to build, to say the least. But, its job is also different than that of Thing 1. The goal of Thing 2 is to make sperm for those who don’t have them. It’s not an implant, but a bioreactor. It lives not within the body but on a lab bench. And, it looks nothing like Thing 1 or anything else you might vividly imagine a testicle to look like. In a word, it is a sperm factory. Load it with stem cells, turn it on, wait 75 days, and Voila! Patient-specific sperm. What has kept this puppy from seeing the light of day, though, is plain and simple: Money. It takes time and effort to recreate human biology in a dish, and money pays those bills. But it’ll happen. No doubt. I see it as similar to a baker, tweaking the recipe enough to achieve that great Bundt cake.
Is there a third testicle to be made? Why yes there is. Because real testicles also make the male hormone testosterone, that wonderful chemical that infuses confidence and a sense of well being into men all over the planet. But many men are actually hypogonadal and cannot make enough testosterone to support a healthy body. Five hundred million prescription’s worth worldwide each year to be exact. Instead of constantly injecting, implanting or slathering gels on men, wouldn’t it be great to place a living implant which would naturally deliver testosterone, just like a normal testicle? This, my friends, is my testicular “hat trick.”